A COMPARATIVE GUIDE TO WORLD RELIGIONS TAOISM - Shit happens CONFUCIANISM - Confucius says "Shit happens." BUDDHISM - If shit happens, it isn't really shit. ZEN - What is the sound of shit happening? HINDUISM - This shit happened before. MORMON - This shit is going to happen again. ISLAM - If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. CALVINISM - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. CATHOLICISM - Shit happens because you're bad. PROTESTANTISM - Let this shit happen to someone else. JUDAISM - Why does this shit always happen to us? STOICISM - This shit is good for me. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE - Shit is only in your mind. SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST - No shit on Saturdays. HEDONISM - There isn't anything like a good shit happening. MOONIES - Only happy shit happens. HARE KRISHNA - Shit happens rama rama RASTAFARIANISM - Let's smoke this shit. EXISTENTIALISM - What is shit anyway? ATHEISM - No shit.