Spirit-WWW: NewsGateway Article <news:alt.magick.110433>
From firstname.lastname@example.org (Blue Resonant Human):
Newsgroups: alt.magick, alt.magick.chaos, alt.magick.tyagi, talk.religion.newage,
Subject: ::: Liber DXM -- The Rite of Robo :::
All Follow-Up: Re: ::: Liber DXM -- The Rite of Robo :::
Date: Sun, 04 Jan 1998 23:31:25 GMT
My Dear Magickal Brethren,
In that we quest ever onward to apprehend the very finest truths
the Universe can offer, it is with great pride that we now reveal
unto you a New and better Way of Enlightenment. For, you see, the
attainment of Cosmic Consciousness doth not of necessity demand
the recitation of antiquated and arcane cryptic dark sayings, nor
doth it require an Abduction by clever little grey Space Aliens out
to Initiate us by way of ramming Strange Probes up our Behinds and
Pilfering the Rectums of Hapless Bovines.
Nay, True Enlightenment requireth little more than a trip down to
the Corner 7-11, as we shall soon discover with this paper-thin
L I B E R D X M
- or -
The Cough Syrup Hypothesis
Wherein We Grok the Magickal Elixir
\ . /
/ H....\ /
/ \-----/...CH2 \
\ / \ /
.:. Dextromethorphan .:.
Over-The-Counter Gateway to the Gods
- via -
-=:::[ The Rite of Robo ]:::=-
Liber DxM, (c) 1998 by Rhd. Blue Resonant Human, Ph.D.
All Rights Reserved
Note that due to the immensity and complexity of the Liber, only
a microcosmic slice will be offered at this time; the Liber in
it's entirety will soon be available at the URL mentioned above.
It is our steadfast committment to the betterment of (wo)mankind
which driveth us to share NOW our findings with all our Brethren
DXM Shamanic "Crossing of the Abyss" Experiences:
A vivid trip involving multiple substances
Well, I tripped this weekend and went too far even for me.
Psychoactives included approximately 360-400mg DXM HBr,
150-200ug LSD, regular use of fluoxetine (dosage not recalled),
cigarettes, and possibly a bit of leftover harmaline from a
previous night's experiment. My body mass is 80kg.
It started with dinner at Z. and B.'s; B. made black bean burritos
and I ate two (mistake number one). Then we all dropped; I took
three hits, at I'm guesstimating 150-200ug (these weren't
particularly strong hits of acid). Then shortly after I drank
about one half of an 8oz bottle of RoboMax (yes, I know I should
really be extracting the shit). This was a combination I had done
before, at lower levels, and I had been quite impressed with the
results. I also took a Coenzyme Q10 in an attempt to prevent any
metabolic insult to my posterior cingulate and retrosplenial
cortex, a matter about which I have recently become somewhat
paranoid as a result of Olney's findings.
The first 30 minutes were uneventful. Alert came at maybe 35-40
minutes into the experience. I felt a slight stiffness in my
shoulders, or perhaps a need to move around. Within 15 minutes
I started feeling gastrointestinal distress. I took 4mg
loperamide, thanking the chemistry gods that it doesn't cross
the blood-brain barrier.
At about dose+1hour, I started feeling the DXM kick in. I
remember sitting in the bathroom, looking at the wooden door.
As I sat there without moving, the patterns in the wood
transformed into a fluid sculpture, then into a waterfall and
finally into an incredibly beautiful place, with a waterfall,
small rapids, delicate ferns and plants, and life all around.
At this moment I knew something different would happen tonight.
For awhile after I honestly don't remember much (for reasons that
will become clear later). I started feeling a little uneasy in
the tummy, and tried more than once (unsuccessfully) to go to the
bathroom. I finally ended up wandering outside ... and then I
saw the moon.
The weather here occasionally takes on a particular form, in
which delicate, wispy, and probably low-lying clouds are blown
rapidly across the sky. In the night, under the full moon, this
took on the appearance of an Aurora Borealis. Music was playing
inside, and the rest of my companions were for the most part
inside playing with trip toys, but I had come face to face with
such incredible beauty that I could do nothing but stare in
As I regained consciousness of my more ordinary surroundings, I
tried to smoke a cigarette. It tasted terrible and I could *feel*
the natural world around me, almost as if it had a consciousness.
It, or they, seemed puzzled that I would waste my time (and life)
on such a boring and trivial drug, and I found myself having
visions of how tobacco was originally used (when fresh, it is a
strong hallucinogen and far too powerful of an experience to become
I began to look around me. I felt suddenly shocked that with such
incredible beauty and energy around us, we as humans choose to
spend our time in sterile and unnatural surroundings. It felt as
if a black veil were dropping from my soul, or perhaps as if an
evil spell were being banished. I could sense the life and joy
around me in the trees, the clouds, the skies, and even the stars.
There was life all around me, and I could suddenly see the pattern
I realize now that this sounds hopelessly new-agey, but unlike
some I have never had the belief that nature and the spiritual
worlds are some safe, harmless playground and that all entities
(physical or not) are basically here to love us. I began to
realize that I as an individual, and we as humans, are just one
thread in a much larger fabric, and that Nature (either as a
collective or as her individual parts) wouldn't shed a tear if
I were to vanish from life forever. Yet somehow that made me
feel all the more important, to be a part of some greater
I began to wonder about the nature of consciousness. What if
what we regard as consciousness (perhaps awareness of onesself
and the ability to exert will to change onesself or ones
surroundings?) was a feature of many collective entities, such
as insect colonies, weather patterns, or even the entire ecosystem?
Or, perhaps what we *regard* as conscious behaviour is simply a
result of a complex, chaotic system which encodes (and "decides"
based on) a great amount of state information kept as a feature
of the nonlinear dynamic algorithm?
Perhaps we as humans were unique among animals in that we truly
did control our *own* destiny as individuals. Maybe that was
what the Fall of Man was all about -- we became conscious as
individuals, rather than our "consciousness" (or more complex
decision-making behaviours) residing in collective myths (spirits
and deities). And perhaps, in these earlier times, our "higher"
decision-making systems, those that are now essential for
consciousness, propagated complex decision algorithms via song,
myth, and shared belief in gods. But with a continuous interplay
between the decision system and the observer system, consciousness
became possible. Perhaps with this constant interplay of awareness
and observation, everyday life, common aches and pains, boredom,
depression, and ennui are possible because we are constantly
*aware* of them, i.e., they have constant emotional (or generally,
internal state state) significance. A fall from paradise indeed!
Then again, I had recently finished reading Jaynes, and was looking
for potential explanations for the transition from bicameral to
Chronology becomes difficult at this point. I remember looking at
my surroundings, lifting my point of view above, and then seeing
the entire scene in three dimensions. Three dimensions then
expanded into four, and the realm of history and future stretched
into a complex, four-dimensional fabric. Different possible
futures (and occasionally different possible pasts) superimposed
themselves like ghost-images. The entire thing morphed into a
tremendously complex weaved fabric in state-space, each thread
being a sliver of consciousness or spirit, but more fluid. The
"threads" were like rivulets of energy; they broke apart, combined,
swirled around chaotically. I felt as if I could reach down and
pluck one of the energy ribbons, move it out of place, but I saw
in my mind how shock waves would ripple out from the point of my
contact, and potentially have unforseen consequences.
I became aware that all four of us were in our own ways grasping
this loom and changing the patterns around us. I could hear Z.
playing his guitar, I think (or maybe I just imagined it). It
seemed as if he were using this instrument to make changes, both
in us (and our consciousness) and in his own reality (and, so it
seemed, ours as well).
Anyway, by this time I had started to feel a great deal of energy.
The others came outside and Z. started to play his flute (I think
I have the chronology correct here). The faint lights that were
in the trees (which I have seen before sober, although only out
of the corner of my eyes) started to grow in intensity. I noticed
that the shadows were starting to move, and at first I suspected
that a car was passing by (or a helicopter was flying overhead
from the hospital; it was a sufficiently windy night that I
thought someone might have run into a downed power line). But I
realized that the shadows were changing too fast and too
irregularly. As I looked into the sky, I thought at first I saw
meteors, and then for a moment had a vague and somewhat paranoid
thought that bits and pieces of meteorite were falling from the
sky. Then I truly saw them, the dancing lights, some tiny and
sparkly, others like glowing, hazy balls of mist. They seemed to
fly in complex yet significant patterns, perhaps following the
contours of some imaginary clouds or field lines.
Then as I watched I heard them sing. They were singing to me, to
us, and I heard them calling to me. A door opened up ahead of me
-- not in realspace, but a spiritual door, one that I could not
assign an image to but was aware of nonetheless. I reached
forward for it with my mind and the world was flooded with light.
I became aware of other entities with me. The world changed and
took on form, although I felt it was more for my benefit than that
of the entities with me. Strangely enough I pictured myself in an
ordinary-looking classroom, and the entities had become professors
and were telling me that I was free to take the test if I liked,
but that the price would be dear if I failed.
Awareness of my surroundings returned suddenly and I felt a
gradual but steady buildup of energy. With it came a sudden
nausea, and I managed to make it to the sink before puking my
guts out. In my mind came the thought that there was a *reason*
people often puked on psychedelics (at least the natural ones),
and that somehow having food in one's system during this sort of
experience was a bad idea. I still felt bad for puking in B.'s
After puking my guts out I sat and felt miserable for a few
minutes in a fit of self-loathing. I felt terrible for having
taken essentially my own trip rather than participating with my
friends and my wife, all of whom I love and care about deeply. I
felt selfish, and yet I remembered the dream I'd had the night
before where I was told I was to learn an important lesson and
that all would be made clear to me. I don't often put stock in
this sort of thing, but I figured I'd be better to say, what the
hell, I'll try, rather than ignore a potentially useful message
from my subconscious (or wherever).
The energy buildup continued more quickly now. I felt that the
food had been holding me back somehow. My entire body began to
vibrate in a new way, not necessarily in any of the three
dimensions we are accustomed to. A part of it was time-vibration
(I felt as if I were vibrating forward and back in time very
slightly, so that the net effect was alternating rapidly between
sudden jumps forward in time and pauses). And a part of it was
something entirely different. The vibrational states seemed
quantized in that there were sudden jumps from one frequency and
mode to another, rather than gradual transitions.
Eventually I noticed that I was twitching and then starting to
shake along with the music (didgeridoo). The entire world was
turning into pure light and color, and everything was dissolving
into increasing power. I saw again the entity (or entities) I
had seen before. They were gentle, like parents almost, and they
seemed to be telling me something fairly complex. As near as I
could tell, the message was that, if I truly wanted to be able to
grasp the fabric of reality directly and learn how to shape it
without unexpected consequences, I must first learn how to let
the energy flow through me without it overloading me.
The energy suddenly turned up and I felt like I had just plugged
my spinal cord into a light socket. Every experience became
excruciatingly painful, all sensory input was maximal in intensity.
It was beautiful, profound, overwhelming, and terrifying. I felt
an increasing throbbing in my head and increasing intestinal pain,
and my skin felt like it was being constantly shocked. I
remembered then about the potential for serotonin syndrome from
this particular combination (given the Prozac I was taking) and
started to become truly afraid.
The entities returned. I got another empathic message, that if I
expected to be Awakened I'd have to risk my life to do it, and I
realized that perhaps I'd gotten myself into more than I'd
expected. Normally I do not have a great fear of death, but
somehow I felt like the penalty for failure wouldn't be death per
se, but something infinitely worse. Brain damage sprang to mind.
I decided at this point I was ready for the trip to stop. I
couldn't take the amount of sensory input, my psyche was
overloaded, and while I felt I had come to some very important
point, I didn't think I was necessarily ready (or that the Prozac
was a good mixer in this cocktail). I took a clonazepam, dreading
the thought but nonetheless definitely ready to finish the trip
even if it meant slamming into a wall. The entities told me that
it wouldn't really help me anyway, that the duration of the test
was unimportant, but by then I'd already taken it.
The next hour or so (and it felt like twenty) was a constant
struggle to keep full control of my mind and soul. I felt like
I had to hold myself together by sheer force of will, and I came
in contact with countless hidden parts of myself, little pieces
of my character, soul, thoughts, and memories, that I'd never
faced before. And suddenly I had to hold them all together. I
tried to make a very few simple changes to the overall pattern,
strengthening my will in particular areas and perhaps hoping that
out of this would come a new ability to shape my own behaviour,
but I wasn't hoping for much.
Gradually I regained control and the trip ended. Like I'd
predicted, it was like slamming into a brick wall at lightspeed.
My soul felt ripped out of my body and shoved into a hole, and
the glorious energy and life drained out of me. Looking back on
it I wish I hadn't taken the benzo, but I don't think I anyone
was sober enough to be my spirit guide at that moment and I wasn't
very coherent either. The rest of the night I struggled to stay
awake, and began to get confused as a result of the benzo, but I
managed to hold on to most of the bits and pieces. I still regret
not having been able to stay with my friends, though, and I think
I'd have been better off to just drop acid and save the cocktail
for some other time when I was ready.
Looking back on it all, I have found that, if nothing else,
confronting death that directly has changed my outlook on life.
Although it is not terribly powerful yet, I have a growing feeling
that I can make changes in my life and in my behaviour that will
last. In some ways it's like a part of childhood is over.
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